the nail on the coffin has been placed, but i feel like sulking or like being gloomy BUT if i look up and down this journal i will be able to find countless reasons, occasions, situations and circumstances to say that i should feel the opposite.
at this point im feeling, dependence, but as i have been trying to push forwards with my motives and state of mind, that nothing i do EVER should be dependent on someone else. EVER.
and especially NOT my happiness.
i can do anything anyone else can do BETTER, and there is no one else who knows me better than myself.
the only downside is that i dont want to feel like a bitter old sour person, like cameron.
i dont think i will be, sometimes i just need time to breathe. i have to remember that.
Easier said than done.
its easier to pretend that someone else can give YOU happiness, its easier to PIN DOWN the responsibility of your anything happiness, success, on another person, because those can be very difficult things to accomplish and when IT FAILS its easier to NOT have to blame yourself.
well i dont want to live that way.
now do i believe in true love?
i believe in love, as a partnership but not as OWNERSHIP.
which is an assbackwards way of thinking that EVERYONE seems to have in this so called "NEW-AGE" world, yeah we have sex before marriage, and we have sex with anything that moves, YET we cant get the picture that being in a relationship doesnt make you the other persons FUCKEN OWNER.
yeah idealisticly you come and ask me what do i want?
i want a fucken good looking sex/love slave. Thats what i fucken want. EVERYTHING FOR ME and not having to give back.
but slavery is illegal so GET THAT WAY OF THINKING OUT OF YOUR HEADS PEOPLE. its not going to work!!
my point is that there are too many cry babies out there, people who play victims chasing something that is so unrealistic,
you can say "well you have never be in love" GOOD this "love" is sounding more and more like an excuse/justification to be POSSESSIVE and IRRATIONAL.
if u stop and thinking about it for JUST ONE SECOND, crap like jealousy is dumb, either they want to be with you and u quit your bullshit because you realize "hey this person has CHOSEN to be with me, let me stop acting like a jackass" OR you ACCEPT that they really dont care and u should move on before you just do more damage to yourself because your "happiness" should not rely on someone else.
maybe i should just say FUCK AND BE MERRY lol jk
it sounded like a cool thing to say, since i feel redundant, of course no one in a relationship would ever take ANY of these words into consideration because they have their heads so far up their ass nothing can get through.
so yeah this is my rant, and YES i contradict myself
only part of what i call being HUMAN and multi-dimensional, btw yet another reason why relationships dont work i might add.
what you want today is not usually what u want forever, esp if u get together young. its usually more of a womans problem since we seem to mature quicker =\.
now that i think back , i really didnt fancy anything about my past relationship.... and somehow it lasted 4 years.
sad to say.... but...... i will admit........ if it wasnt for warcraft we didnt have anything... and i was right, shortly after i quit, i broke up with him. LOL fuck you life for your trollin'
someone whose avatar was more interesting than the real thing /facepalm hahaha!